Love is…

I’m so in love with you today. Well, the memory of you. My heart feels filled with anticipation and fear. I just think of your name and I feel numb. I don’t even want you to react. I don’t even care about what you would say to that. I don’t need it. Because I’m floating in my imagination. How powerful is that? How wonderful is that. My hands shaking as I type this, I feel like I can’t breathe. Not in a bad way, I’m amazed by the way the thoughts of touching your hair paralyzes my body. I’m currently sitting on my bathroom floor unable to move because I thought of loving you. Hmm. It’s crazy I carry that everyday. This feeling every single day and sometimes it makes me.. it never makes me mad. I never regret the feeling or wish it away. I believe it will matriculate into whatever it will be. Wondering will I ever love like this again? Or am I destined to have loved and lost? It’s okay I don’t want answers. But my body numbs and my mind wonders and I dance in the memory, the past, of what my heart feels for you. And I want to be happy for you. I want to be your friend forever, but fighting the urges to press my lips against back of your neck 3 times, before falling asleep, lingers in my mind. I need more time.. but today the thoughts of you came rushing over me, as if the gates I’ve constructed to store my love for you, just fell apart. I wonder if I feel less strong today. Or if I should even tell you these things? Truth of the matter is, I feel equally as strong when I’m storing away those urges. Either way they consist of you. Today, today they flow rapidly thru my veins pumping thoughts to my mind. They have completely enabled my movement and I give in to it. It makes me smile. It makes me hungry for more. How completely you engulf me, astounds me. I love it. It empowers me. It makes me grit my teeth and profess my joy with sheer determination. Regardless. Today I’m so in love. 

Love is…

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