Everything has to work. Everything has to work for you, even if you don’t like some things, even those things have to be things that work for your displeasure. Sometimes there are things that piss us off, and that’s fine, but there are things that we shouldn’t stand for at all. Those things are not fine. Those things don’t work. For some reason, those things become little in the grand scheme of love. Love is big. Love is lust. Love is hunger. Love is painful as fuck. We seem to think that the painful parts are a part of the growing process. We think that the bullshit we put up with, are things we need to go through to love completely. I don’t buy it. Stop wasting your time with the bullshit. What about the lust and the other fun stuff? That’s what I want to focus on, but boy, sometimes it can be hard to let the fun stuff overcome. Just relax and let it happen. There will always be bullshit, and I can’t tell you to just turn a blind eye to it. What happens if you pay it enough attention that it’s fed, but not enough that it ruins the fun? If you have other things that work, why can’t you focus on that? I believe that, if you allow yourself to focus on the good, the bad happens far less. I mean, it’s so tempting to go through someone’s phone or to stalk their social media accounts, but my mom used to say, “If you go looking for trouble you will find it.” So, don’t go looking. It will find a way to you, without your help. By then, you will have surely waste your time stressing why someone is slipping into your partners DMs. Like let them slide on into them, you are probably lying next to this person, what’s that conversation have to do with anything?
Wasting our time. I can sit and think that, thinking is cheating. (When you are thinking about cheating on your partner, then it is the same as actually doing it.) If you see something that appears your partner is wanting to cheat, then that is just like cheating. Well, throw yourself a good fit and help them right out the door. If that’s what you want to do. The thing is… if they are literally thinking about fucking someone else. Then they eventually will. It’s fine. Take that as a precursor, and move forward. They are about to leave your ass anyway. I have never thought about sleeping with someone else, if I were happy with my lover. Have you? There was something that wasn’t working for you, and you were a little bitch about it and decided to betray someone’s trust. That’s your karma. That’s your fault. What sucks though, is when you are happy and they are not… Something’s aren’t working and you are denying it. You aren’t doing something right and you know it… But what are you doing to fix it? Everything? Not for yourself, but for them. Therefore, something isn’t working for you. Everything has to work.
I think back to a relationship I had, that left me terribly destroyed with the demise of it. I spent my days lying around listening to Adele and drinking. I spent my nights out with my friends and more drinking. I wanted to do any and everything to get that girl back. When my attempts didn’t work, I was heartbroken. I looked at that demise so intently, yet, couldn’t see that I was really just unhappy to begin with. I knew that she needed more from me. It could’ve all been so simple, if I would’ve put her before my friends. If I would’ve let her win one fight. I didn’t want to give her those things and she started to stray. I choose to be pissed and childish about it, even when I decided I would give more, I really didn’t mean it. If it comes to you optioning, then it’s probably not working. Stop worrying about what the fuck they are doing and worry about you. I went to the darkest parts of my consciousness to try to salvage that relationship. We tangled for years. Only for me to realize she wasn’t the one. I didn’t like her friends. She had changed over the course of the years, and I had as well. We went two completely different directions, unfortunately. And her friends annoyed the piss out of me. I never went back. I remember being at her house late one night, she had been out with her buds and was telling me about her night, as we were getting in the bed. I just thought about how awful everything she said sounded and I was so thankful I hadn’t been there. From that point, I knew that she wasn’t the one. I hate to say it was because her friends sound like idiots, but that’s really it. I didn’t want to fuck with them like that. Those friends wouldn’t work for me.
Everything has to work… if it doesn’t then how do you expect to get anywhere? We are wasting our time, knowing damn well shit isn’t working for us. But we stick it out and think it’s us learning or something stupid. I decided that I wasn’t going sweat the shit that will not work for me. I am not even fucking with it. I could miss out on some really great girls, but in the end they aren’t the one. If you aren’t looking for the one then what does it matter, waste everyone’s time, its fine. But don’t complain that you aren’t finding the one. Well bitch, stop fucking around with people who don’t have everything you want. Let me just stress that not everything will be amazing. There is always going to be some bullshit to deal with, because people are idiots. We do dumb shit, but the right one will not do the wrong thing. That thing that crosses you and makes you want to set the world on fire, isn’t going to come from someone who is your match. It’s not possible. You have things in common because they work. That doesn’t mean you guys are the same person. That doesn’t happen either. Doesn’t mean that things won’t hurt. But it is not supposed to kill you. It is not supposed to feel like you are just dying by an action of someone you care about. It will and should never work that way. Forgiveness is one thing, but if you feel like you could hold a grudge about it, you aren’t ever going to be over it.
We need to pay attention to these little annoyances. These fights that bring tears and raise voices. They need attention but if you are going to focus on that bullshit, it is not working for you. Let it go. Or you need to accept that this person isn’t the one. You can and should continue to work on things with them. Not because you think there is more there, but because there is something for you to change within yourself. Or sex is great. Keep fucking. Stop looking for rings and houses with them. By all means, take that vacation that you two have been planning. Just remember that this person isn’t the one you are meant to be with and keep it pushing. Maybe you find yourself forgiving them and it will work for you. I guess that happens. But more times than not, we are wasting our time knowing something isn’t working for us. Let us just stop that. You can have everything you want, just have to take things for what they are. But what do you do when you love like love is life, but there is something that isn’t working for you?
Currently, I have a situation in my relationship that isn’t working for me. I hate it. I turn my nose up at it. It’s stupid. I pay attention to it. But I don’t focus all my energy on it. She wonders if I will always make little remarks, once we get past this. Hmm. Once we get past this, I won’t have to pay attention to it, because it won’t exist. I don’t want to go backwards or stay in the same spot. I don’t even want to pay attention to it, now. I want to focus on all the sex we have or the adventures we go on. I don’t want to start a bullshit fight because something isn’t working for her. It isn’t working for me, either. So, we got a problem. We fight about it. This clouds our interactions sometimes. But it is not our focus. I take it for what it is, because even in our fights, it works for me. I look at it objectively and I speak about it directly. And she sits there like a stone. Ha. It drives me crazy. I have learned that I need to make my point and shut the fuck up. And then I get the responses, I need. Attention is paid to the immediate conflict and we move on. It is not our focus. We are the focus and for now, for the most part, it is working for us.
The point is everything has to work for it to be successful. Stop wasting time trying to make it work. That’s silly. If you realize you love to fuck this person but hate to hear them talk, stop talking to them. It’s that simple. I would rather be alone than unhappy. I want to get my rocks off, too, but not to the extent I have to deal with awful people. If you find yourself so deep in love, but you suspect your partner is cheating. They probably are and you probably aren’t that deep in love after all. You can say that its bullshit, but think back to situation where you thought you were in love, and now you are not. It gets much clearer in the end and that’s fine. I bet you weren’t that happy to begin with. You can’t say, you did everything for them and they left you. I mean, were you happy doing everything for someone else? Probably not. They probably weren’t doing shit for you, and your fool ass was just gleefully trying to make it work. Wasting your time. Sometimes shit happens, and we are happy but it doesn’t work out. We find out later on, that we weren’t projecting happiness in the ways that were needed to our partner. That is unfortunate. It doesn’t mean we need to stick around in a puddle of shit, because we think there is something to salvage. Not every tear is wasted, not every tear is needed. When we lose the love, it wasn’t right. We weren’t right. They weren’t right. But we will always waste a bit of time trying to figure it out. And that’s fine. That’s the growth of it all. If you are trying to figure out things for yourself. not for the sake of a relationship, then that’s called GROWTH. No one else can build a better you… so stop wasting time allowing someone else to control the better parts of you. Everything has to work for you… or nothing will.